January 29, 2023

Doubling the long way Back (2023 from 1973)

Recently, my hubby and I were going for a long walk and reflected on the freedom of our youth. If you are over 40 you probably remember playing as a kid... wandering and being carefree. I was unexpectedly visited by a memory of myself when I was 10, being chased by several boys about 13 years old in an alley and forced into a covered parking area behind Oak Bay Avenue in Victoria, BC. Before being cornered, I had been merrily walking along Hampshire Rd towards the avenue with 25 cents in my pocket anticipating buying a candy bag at Sues corner store. I found myself several feet apart from the boys who were up to no good which my intuition screamed to me “danger danger”!

I had (and still do) have three brothers who thoroughly enjoyed tormenting me under the guise of fun with tea towel whips and holding me down to tickle me until I cried. Sometimes, I furiously was able to wiggle and frenetically move out of their grasps to get away. This experience is exactly what gave me the skills to get away from the three boys in the parking garage. It felt like a miracle at the time as I tore up the alley in the opposite direction from my house, worried and not wanting them to follow me home. I ran behind the avenue all the way down and around for four blocks before doubling back down another alley back to Hampshire Road running all the way home. It’s strange but I have no recollection of telling anyone.

Trauma comes in many forms: experiences and memories and catalyze to form our future responses to not only exist, but to get needs met and “manage”.

As a woman, a person, and a survivor of my experiences I reflect that I can’t compare myself to what other people have had to endure. Nor does that matter. Just knowing there is pain, and that insecurities can occur some days, many days or if we are lucky- intermittently.

By believing in ourselves, we can gain confidence and build on using our talents and gifts in this world. There are many types of things we can use to balance ourselves and help to heal along the way. Everything happens or nothing happens, and we go on, choices are what define us minus our mistakes. Mistakes and misfortunes are learning opportunities and for those we find a constructive way to nurture and heal ourselves. A walk in the forest or along the beach can do that, so can practicing creatively.

Art can be amazing for catalyzing healing, releasing emotion, getting unstuck all while gaining some interesting and unexpected skills. It has sure helped me along the way. Thanks for joining me here. I welcome you along side for the journey.